You’re a big baby.
🧠 I’ve been thinking about how to (very) slowly help my baby to self-regulate. Bear with me, I promise this is relevant for adults, too…
We know that babies and young children can’t regulate their own stress responses. They learn to do this through repeated experiences of being responded to by their mother, or primary caregiver. Physical proximity, loving words, mirroring facial expressions and plenty of cuddles all serve this purpose.
But what if you, or someone you love, still struggles to regulate their thoughts and emotions? This is essentially the basis of anxiety and, goodness, I’m still prone to it after all these years.
The solution may actually be quite similar to what the mother does for the baby. You just learn to play both roles!
📢 Ask yourself: “Can I feel my anxiety coming on?” If so, take a moment and pause. That may offer the space to try one or more of the following ‘self-regulation’ methods:
Touch. Babies need skin on skin contact and so do we! Soothing touch stops stress hormones. Practice stroking your skin, asking someone for a hug, or even giving one to yourself. Personally, I find applying firm pressure to my chest area with both hands works best when anxiety takes hold. Which, now I think of it, basically mimics being swaddled as a baby!
Breathing. Babies regulate their breath through the mother’s breath. But you can help reset your own nervous system through breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. Exhaling for longer than you inhale is key, as this helps to slow your heartbeat down. (The best way to do this is by counting - inhale to a count of four and exhale to a count of six. Soon you’ll be able to extend this.)
Keep cool. Babies are at risk of overheating and fresh air helps them to sleep and relax. The same is true for you. Too much heat can cause cortisol levels to spike. Go for a walk and oxygenate.
Alter your environment. Newborns need calm, low lit spaces that mimic the womb. If you’re feeling anxious, switch off the lights and turn off stimulation. Cocoon yourself in a cosy environment that makes you feel safe.
💡The revelation: Stress and anxiety is your body’s way of responding to perceived danger. But we can use our ancient wiring to our advantage, by applying self-soothing techniques in those moments. This way, we’ll continue the process that our caregivers (hopefully!) started all those years ago.
And for those of you who feel their own mother or caregiver could have done a better job at soothing them, therapy can help you to re-parent yourself through internalising a positive experience with your therapist. But more on that another time…
💛 Product I’m loving: Weighted blankets became all the rage last year, but it’s at this chilly and, arguably, most depressing time of year they are most beneficial. Akin to deep pressure stimulation (DPS), a therapeutic tool which relaxes the nervous system, the Oodie Weighted Blanket is the cosiest garment ever - hybrid weighted blanket and jumper, this replicates a giant hug.
Thanks for being here,
