The Patterns We Pass Down
Here are my therapeutic musings...
🧠 I've been thinking about how anxiety and obsessive behaviours often trace back through generations. Being a mother to a two-year-old has sharpened my awareness of this. I don't want to pass down my own anxious tendencies.
Recently, during a flight back to London post-Christmas season, I tried desperately to hide my fear of turbulence from my daughter. Let’s just say my efforts were comical, ending with me clutching the hand of a complete stranger. (To that kind soul, if you’re reading this, you truly were an angel.)
Balancing the instinct to shield my little one from my stress while managing my predisposition toward anxiety is a complex task. But this makes me wonder, am I overthinking it?
Groundbreaking research, like the 2015 study on the RBFOX1 gene, shows that some of us might be more genetically predisposed to generalized anxiety disorder, while other research has identified specific genes linked to panic attacks.
Interestingly, a recent 23andMe test (yes, post their data breach debacle, lucky me!) suggests I have only a 'typical' likelihood of developing anxiety. Yet, genetics is just one piece of the puzzle - lifestyle factors, like substance use and lack of exercise play a significant role, too.
According to a 2013 University of Liverpool study, however, it's often the stressful events in our lives that have the most substantial impact on our propensity to develop anxiety and depression. This leads me to think about the environment we create for our children - and I had created for me.
If a mother finds it difficult to calm herself, her baby is more vulnerable to stress. Such early stress can rewire a child's brain, making them more susceptible to anxiety as they grow.
📢 Ask yourself:
"How might my early experiences have shaped my approach to stress and anxiety?”
How might my genetic background have shaped my stress response?”
“How did I witness my own parents manage their anxiety? Did they have a crutch?”
“Can understanding these influences help me foster more resilience and autonomy today?”
💡The revelation: It’s possible to unlearn anxiety and rewrite our scripts.
Our brains are continually evolving, shaped by our experiences of stress, fear, or anxiety. These experiences can dramatically alter our neural pathways.
Yet, the silver lining lies in our capacity to reshape these pathways. By understanding and processing our early life experiences, we can heal and actively forge new, healthier neural circuits.
Our mental health is shaped by both genetics and early experiences, but neither has to dictate our future.
We possess the profound ability to modify our neural responses, turning down the volume on our anxiety not by rejecting these parts but by befriending them and minimizing their impact. This is the essence of true healing and the best form of role modeling we can offer our children.
In conclusion, it's not about eliminating parts of ourselves we don't like, such as anxiety. Instead, it's about understanding these aspects, managing their influence, and learning to coexist with them peacefully (and to keep trying, even in the face of turbulence). Reducing their dominance allows us to live fuller, more balanced lives - this is perhaps the greatest lesson we can impart to the next generation.
This topic and many others are discussed in my new book, You Are Not Alone In This: Supporting a Loved One’s Mental Health Without Losing Your Own (£14.99, Watkins). With just one week to go until the release, ordering a copy would mean the world to me!
Let's keep the dialogue on mental health, intergenerational healing, and the importance of supporting one another open. Together, we can break through.
Thanks for being here,
PS. If you’re in London and interested in a night of conversation about mental health, mindfulness, and the importance of connection, please join me at my book launch on January 22 from 6 PM at Waterstones Gower Street. Book your ticket here.
All the best with your book launch!