Opt for courage, not confidence.
Why we're all chasing the wrong thing
🧠 I’ve been thinking about… Society’s fixation with confidence. We’re constantly bombarded with messages about being the most self-assured, shiny versions of ourselves. But, the thing with confidence is, it’s a largely egoic, fragile and fleeting state. So you can’t really rely on it and it doesn’t necessarily influence the outcome of a given situation. After all, unless your brain is damaged, you’ll always feel fear in the face of threat or adversity! Therefore, ‘feeling confident’ is not the right metric for success. Some of the most impressive people I’ve met are racked with self-doubt and anxiety. It’s simply that they don’t let it dominate their lives.
As for me, while writing this, I’m in the final days of my first pregnancy, which has not been straightforward. Often I feel gripped with fear about what’s to come. Plus I’m dealing with various other stressors, including serious illness in my close family and moving home. I just can’t manufacture ‘confidence’ right now.
But I can step into my courage.
One of my favourite quotes is by the great French writer, Anais Nin (1903-1977): “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”
Even if you don’t feel confident, you can find courage that you didn’t know you had.
📢 Ask yourself: How can I demonstrate courage to myself and others, even if I feel scared? In spite of my self-doubt, what lionhearted action could I take to move my life forward?
💡The revelation: By taking courageous steps - even when you don’t feel confident - and living through the experience, you build a case against your inner critic. And, in turn, build a far deeper and more robust sense of belief in yourself.
Therapeutic fact: Exposure therapy works on this basis! Simply put, it involves systematically confronting both internal and external feared stimuli. It’s so successful in treating phobias, anxiety, OCD etc. as it gives you proof that you have the capacity to overcome your fears. This in turn builds confidence, not the other way around.
💛 Wellness Product I’m loving:
Nordic Oil High Strength 500ml Omega 3 Fish Oil (£34.99). Most fish oil is quite frankly wretch-worthy, but this one tastes and smells like lemon (genuinely) which makes it acceptable. More importantly, it’s the highest strength, highest quality and most sustainable fish oil I have come across. Anecdotally, I’ve also recommended it to dozens of friends and family members, who have suffered from debilitating migraines, and it’s really helped them. This seems in line with a 2021 clinical trial which showed that people suffering from migraines could reduce, or wipe out, their symptoms through upping their intake of omega-3 fatty acids and DHA.
Thanks for being here,
