Can you eat and sleep with them?

Here are my therapeutic musings…

Feb 28, 2023

🧠 I’ve been thinking about a recent conversation with a girlfriend about dating. Said friend is single, gorgeous and utterly smart. She was sharing updates with me following meeting number 4 with a guy, who “was the whole package”. It had been a Saturday afternoon kind of a date. They met for a walk along the canal, before going to a cool Korean restaurant he’d scoped out. It went well, and the date ended in a sleepover.

When I interrupted to ask what the food was like, she was taken aback. Was that really what I was interested in? She brushed me off: “I don’t know”. Why not? Well, she didn’t eat much. “I’m guessing you don’t like Korean cuisine?” I asked.

Funnily enough, it turned out to be one of her favourite foods (hence the reason he’d chosen it in the first place). As she reflected more on this, she realised how unusual this was for her. Certainly, I’ve always known her to be someone who loves their food. Unable to quite put her finger on what had stopped her from eating (it wasn’t just usual nerves), she realised that the same thing had happened on a previous date with him.

As we talked it through, it soon became clear that something didn’t feel right with this guy, there was something off. And her body knew it. He was a great conversationalist, there appeared to be chemistry and, yet, she didn’t feel relaxed enough to pick up those sticky chicken wings and guzzle them down.

This is something I hear all too often in my practice. Clients feeling inhibited around certain people and not around others. This is your body's way of communicating with you. Unless you are self-conscious across the board, pay attention to the signs your body is giving you. This isn't the only one to watch out for, of course…

📢 Ask yourself: When I’m with such and such person do I eat well? Or am I self-conscious and preoccupied with how I look? Am I breathing properly or holding my breath? Do I laugh freely? Can I happily fall asleep in their presence?

💡The revelation: Rest and digest is the opposite state to Fight or Flight. It’s when our bodies feel safe enough to let down their defences - resulting in a slower heart beat and sense of overall relaxation. Just like its name, it enables us to rest and digest. Hence, if we struggle to eat and sleep around someone, that’s likely your body’s way of telling you that you’re not out of the woods. It can become a great way to vet prospective partners. If you can easily fall asleep and eat around them, you might just have found yourself a keeper.

💛 Product I’m loving: Whether you’re doing dry Jan, are teetotal or just enjoy a delicious carbonated beverage, I can thoroughly recommend Something & Nothing, after being sent their botanical-based seltzers (£2). Not sure how I’d missed these before, as the branding is beautiful and the range of flavours exquisite. My personal favourite is the Hibiscus & Rose, which transports me somewhere exotic and doesn’t make me feel like I’m missing out on alcohol.

Thanks for being here,